im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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