You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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