Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
