i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
