I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
