i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
