I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
