Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He passed out mid-signature
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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