i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
