I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
