was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
