He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
