the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
