Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
