I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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