Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
