sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
