I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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