are you so shy because you have an std?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You made out with two different species that night
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
