I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
