I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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