In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
