I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize