My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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