just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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