Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I want to fling myself into the sun
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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