I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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