a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
