so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
