I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
no you cant smoke seaweed
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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