I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
