Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
