So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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