she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
