The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize