Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I deserve this hangover.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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