had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
