Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
