your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
