I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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