did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Drunk is not a location!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize