Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
