Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
