My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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