Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
