I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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