Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
