I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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