I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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