I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
