I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
