Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
