Whats the glycemic index on semen?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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