You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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