He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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