Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
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