Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
