i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
