I hate your face
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
