alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
