And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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