Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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