i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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