Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
