dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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