dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
