There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
