How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Pants are for mortals
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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