i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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