just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
