my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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