please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
