I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
