u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize