i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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