I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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