Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
