so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
love makes seman taste better
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
