I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize