After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
