these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
