I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
