she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
