Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Say something about gay babies.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
