I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
