i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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