ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
vagina is talking i cant
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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