Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
