Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
