I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize