before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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