I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
