Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize