Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
