he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
