we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
