i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
