I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
