I have demons in me.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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